Friendship isn’t about quantity but quality. How to be a good friend, who to befriend, and avoid toxic traps in your social circle is what I will discuss based on my experience.
Friendship may be a small word for something so big, so life-changing. Yet, we mess it up all the time. People chase friends like followers on Instagram or cling to friendships that drain them. Being a good friend or picking the right ones is not easy. Let’s break it down.
Everybody Cannot Be Your Friend
Jack of all trades, master of none? It’s the same with friends. Trying to be friends with everyone makes you superficial. Not everyone deserves that access to your life. Dr. Priya Nair, a clinical psychologist, says, “You need to differentiate between acquaintances and friends. Acquaintances don’t invest in you emotionally. Friends do.” Keep your circle small but meaningful.
Defining a Friend
A friend isn’t just someone you have lunch with or laugh at memes with. A friend is someone who’ll answer your midnight call, even if they’re tired. More friends don’t make you a friendly person. Instead, they make you a busy one. A friendly person is kind, understanding, and consistent—not just surrounded by people.
You Can’t Please Everyone
We’ve all done it. Trying to be nice, polite, accommodating. But pleasing everyone doesn’t make you a friend to all. It makes you a pushover. Relationship counselor Anita Mehta says
“Friendship is mutual. You can’t be the only one adjusting, compromising, or giving. Pleasing everyone leaves you exhausted and empty-handed.”
74% of people admitted to feeling lonelier despite having more friends on social media (Source: Pew Research Center, 2024).
Friendship Is a Symbiotic Relationship
Friendship is about give and take. You can’t only give, give, give until you’re drained. And you can’t only take, take, take and expect the friendship to survive. A 2022 study by Stanford University shows that balanced friendships last longer and are more fulfilling. The best friendships thrive on shared efforts—support, laughs, and even disagreements.
Friends Should Boost Your Confidence
Ever been around a friend who made you feel smaller? Less smart? Less cool? That’s not a friend. Real friends lift you up. They clap for your success and hold your hand in failure. “Friends shape our self-image,” says Dr. Rohan Iyer, a psychiatrist. Surround yourself with people who cheer for you and correct you lovingly when you mess up.
Friends boost happiness by 25% (Source: American Psychological Association).
The Trap of Smarter, Richer Friends
Sometimes, we want to befriend those we admire—smarter, richer, more successful. It’s okay to have such friends, but don’t lose yourself trying to fit in. Research published in Psychology Today (2023) shows that friendships based on status or admiration can lead to feelings of inferiority. And here’s the kicker: some of these friends may look down on you. They may treat you as a follower, not an equal. Ask yourself—do you feel good after spending time with them? If not, they’re not your friends.
The Opposite Trap: Friends You Can Look Down On
Then there’s the other extreme. Some people like to surround themselves with friends they can look down on. It boosts their ego. Bollywood movies love this trope. Think about it—how often do the protagonists have quirky, “ugly” friends to make themselves shine? It’s not friendship; it’s emotional manipulation. If you feel you need to look better or smarter in your group, you’re in the wrong group.
WhY Friendships Erode
Friendships don’t die overnight. They erode slowly, like sand slipping through your fingers. Some common causes like lack of communication, jealousy, neglect, lies, etc.
A 2024 study by Harvard Business Review revealed that 58% of people lost friendships because of neglect over time, not fights. Fix it before it’s too late.
Real Friendship = No Expectations
The best friendships don’t have strings attached. You’re not expecting anything in return, and neither is your friend. Relationship expert Tara Shah explains, Short-term expectations ruin long-term bonds. Real friends value the relationship, not what they can get out of it. Only 50% of friendships survive beyond seven years (Source: Gallup Poll, 2023).
Anika Sachdev is a freelance writer, who writes about upcoming careers and academic studies. She is currently pursuing her diploma in Fashion Design from iNIFD. She enjoys writing, making illustrations and tracks AI technologies. Based in Mumbai, she likes to draw and listen to Bollywood music in her free time. For any questions, feedback or concerns, please email [email protected].